The Evolution/Mental Breakdown of Aspie Revolutionary, Part II

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TRIGGER WARNING! There, I did a good thing. All of my posts should have this, really. They are not in everyone’s taste. I hope that nothing in here counts as hate speech in any way. I don’t intend it that way. I don’t think much improvement was made here. Maybe some, but also a lot of regression. How do you define improvement anyway? I expressed myself. That’s always good.

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Take slow, deep breaths. Deeply inhale while counting to 8, deeply exhale while counting to 8. Inhale and exhale. Inhale and exhale. Inhale and exhale. Inhale and exhale. Observe the breath. Observe the thoughts. Observe the ideologies. Observe the personas. Observe the paradigms. Observe the victimhoods. Observe the bullyings. Observe the oppressions. Which one are you? Which one are you more? Honestly, if I really think about it, about 50/50. If you take my whole life into account. It is just that victimhoods, bullyings and oppressions are always on my mind. Hierarchies are always on my mind. Pyramids are always on my mind. They are always obsessively on my mind, and I can’t get rid of them. In this character, anyway. I don’t think I have always been like this. Or maybe I have, in some way or another. My perceived sense of position in various hierarchies goes up and down, side to side, depending on my mood, my state of mind, which persona I am in. Going off tangent again. Am I ADHD? Oh well, I’ll end up circling back in the end. My definitions of hierarchies, of pyramids, also changes based on persona and worldview. I experiment with them, sometimes intentionally and sometimes I have no control over it. I wish to one day reach perfect hierarchical neutrality. Or my ideal self does, anyway. That is probably a lie. I am probably just being narcissistic. But if I am in a narcissistic state of mind, might as well keep writing in it. The Narcissism is not necessarily permanent. Everything is impermanent. That thought came from Buddhist ideology. Shut up, Zizek! Yes, I have probably been bullied a lot, and probably have bullied a lot. But was I aware of it, on either side? I don’t think so. Or I might be lying. Or I might just think that I am lying. Or I might just be making a bunch of excuses. I might just be pretending to be self-reflective and that I am thinking very deeply about this so I can continue getting away with it. Yeah, I probably bully. But whenever I do, I see it as counter-bullying. Defensive bullying. That is my excuse. In my head, anyway. Because there is no reverse-bullying, right? No reverse-oppression. Damn, I’m fucked up. Is this really what I do? Consciously? But am I really a narcissist or a sociopath, or am I just trying to be one? Or are these labels just really stuck in my head at this point? Or do I feel like Narcissistic ideology is the only way for me to climb to a higher status than I naturally am? What the hell does “status” mean? How are you defining it right now? Are you going by Capitalistic standards? Probably somewhat, but not exactly in economic terms. The same framework of thinking is probably still there, though. Breathe. Inhale and exhale. Observe the ideologies. Observe the pyramids. Observe your belly button. This is getting ridiculous now. Oh god, is it still Incel ideology? Or Pick Up Artist ideology? Are those still there? Are those still the underlying ideologies behind all the other ones? Douchebag ideology? Wait, it’s now called Fuckboy, right? Are those still there? Are you still indoctrinated by all of those? You said earlier that you wish to reach a state of perfect hierarchical neutrality. On the surface, this would look like you are predominantly indoctrinated by Marxist ideology, by Snowflake ideology. Pure Hierarchical Neutrality is Pure Snowflakehood. Oh dear, you used the word Snowflake, didn’t you? Yup, Douchebaghood is still there. You know what? Go back to the very beginning where you said “Persona is ideology. Pseudo-intellectualism is also ideology.” That might not have been as pseudo-intellectual as you think. You might have actually been on to something. Maybe every one of your characters, or personas, is an ideology? Representative of an ideology? You play ideologies as characters? Do you do this intentionally or do you have control over it? You always seem to be stuck in one box or another. Right now, however, you seem to have better awareness of it than usual, and seem to able to switch back and forth between them with some degree of control, although certainly not full control. But wait, you should be proud that you are not perfect at code-switching. A perfect code-switcher is probably a Pure Sociopath? Or Pure Psychopath even? I forget the difference. But I think I should be glad that I am bad at it, and at least am trying to analyze myself and figure it out, because that probably means I am not one. But go back to the theory that all of your characters are ideologies, and try to write that way. Right now, you think you are mostly Snowflake. But Douchebag/Pick Up Artist might be the underlying characters pulling the strings of Snowflake. Because PUA sees Snowflake as a higher class than Incel. Yup, Douchebag is definitely still there. These goddamn pyramids are still there, stuck in my head. How do I get rid of them? Good, Snowflake is still there. He’s the one who hates the pyramids. I’m glad he’s still there. But is he really there, or are you just forcing him? Is he natural? Or is Snowflake just Incel’s pathetic attempt to climb from the Omega class to the Gamma class? From the Submissive-Rejectives to the Dominant-Rejectives. Shut up, Incel! PUA! All of you! But wait, what is actually wrong with that? What is wrong with analyzing the hidden ideologies behind the surface-level ideologies? It is actually quite a positive thing to do! It can be used as a re-purposing tool. If one is unable, or finds great difficulty, in removing negative pre-existing ideological frameworks from their brain, the next best option is simply to re-purpose them. Rather than try to climb to the Alpha class, escape to the Gamma class. Or rather, Pure Hierarchical Neutrality is probably somewhere between Gamma and Omega. Oh no, this is starting to sound Huxleyan. Remember that you are in a character. I hope so, anyway. I hope I’m not really this superficial. I think this “class” level is what I overall strive to be. But I am terrible at it. What I am trying to describe is a state of Pyramid-Blindness. But I am certainly not in it, because I am always seeing pyramids. Is it possible to reach Pure Pyramid-Blindness through a thinking framework that involves pyramids? Or is Pyramid-Blindness even a positive goal? Or would it go down the same path as Color-Blindness? The fact that you see color-blindness as negative means that Snowflake is still there. But is all this what you really believe? What do you really believe? Probably nothing. The real you is nobody. He is just a vegetable. You said “he.” I said “he.” Am I even sure I am a he? Just say “they.” Well no, get to that part later. Say I for now. Or me. The real me is nobody. I am just a vegetable. I know nothing and believe in nothing, and if nobody told me to do anything, I would simply lie there in a state of constant inertia. Without characters, without persona, without ideology, I would be a vegetable. But is Vegetable a character too? Probably. I think they are all characters. I don’t think there is any real me. Or maybe there is, but I feel like I am not allowed to be it. I feel obligated to create characters. I feel obligated to follow ideology. Ideology feels like a requirement. It is as if it is part of Mandatory Individualism. Everybody is required to be an individual, to follow ideology in one way or another. If one doesn’t, something must be wrong with them. It is all part of the divide and conquer strategy. And I feel like the divide and conquer is going on in my own head. I am weak, I am easily conquerable, because of too much ideology. Too many ideologies. Too many personas, too many paradigms. But wait, that is Victim speaking again. What would Victimizer say? What would Bully say? What would Oppressor say? Might need to go back to the meditation for this. Inhale and exhale. Inhale and exhale. Observe… You don’t know what you are observing anymore. You no longer have words for whatever it is you are trying to observe. Just observe everything. You divide and conquer. You are the one who divides and conquers. You do this to always get your way. You create all of these different characters, all of these different ideologies, in order to confuse people. If someone says something you don’t like, that would get in the way of you getting something you want, you use a different character, an unexpected character, to put them down. You don’t consider it bullying, you don’t consider it manipulation, but it probably is. In whatever state of mind, whatever character, whatever ideology you are in at any given time, if someone says something to contradict it, you will lash out. But you don’t consider it bullying. At least not bullying of a person. Bullying of a paradigm, perhaps. When you stuck inside your own paradigm, whichever one it is at the time, and someone else tries to drag you into theirs, you bully their paradigm. Or that’s your excuse anyway. You really just want to bully the person, don’t you? Wait, that might be a little harsh. Are you even aware that you are doing this? Do you do this intentionally? Are you aware of it? Do you have control over it? Do you even know? Do you have free will? Is there free will at all? Don’t even go down that path. Too confusing. But is this really what you do? These were the first words that came to you, for some reason. No, this is Victimizer speaking. This is not the real you. Remember that. Observe the characters. But is Victimizer behind all of the other characters? Or should you just call him Sociopath? Hmm, you said earlier that Sociopathy is ideology, or something. Maybe it is. Maybe its something people can consciously choose to follow, or not. I think I have tried, have experimented with it, and succeeded somewhat before, but am generally not very good at it. Victimizer would say that he plays the Victim, and pretend that his characters are things he can’t control. He would say these characters, these ideologies, are just the result of his poor, impressionable autistic brain receiving too many conflicting indoctrinations. An alternate working title of this book could be: “What Happens When you Give an Aspie too many Indoctrinations.” But am I always on the receiving end of indoctrinations, or do I create my own indoctrinations? Why do always I see myself as being on the receiving end of things? It’s the Object Syndrome, again. It’s the feeling that, as an autistic person, I can’t possibly have agency. And now, that is Victim talking again. I think this is just how I feel right now. But there have been times when I have been on the producing end of indoctrinations. There have been times when I have felt much more dominant, much more of an Indoctrinator than an Indoctrinated. Much more of an Impressionist than an Impressionable. Oh, here you go with the dualities again. What is it with you and dualities? Why is so much of your writing like this? Distraction. Don’t even analyze this right now. Well, you are certainly producing indoctrinations right now, aren’t you? Regardless of how submissive, helpless and object-like you feel. You are still a subject, somewhere deep down inside. That dominant side still exists. This is probably where your superiority complex came from. You probably created it, as a reaction to always being on the receiving end of things. You wanted your own agency. You wanted a mind of your own. And so you created it. You created characters. You experimented with different ones. You wanted to create the exact opposite of how you felt for most of your life: worthless, disgusting, inferior. So you created a superiority complex to hide your inferiority complex. Oh dear, this is starting to get very dark. Too dark, I would say. Do I really mean all these things? No, just delusions. But this is terrible! You’re starting to sound like Elliot Rodger. Now this reminds you of the time you read his manifesto when you were feeling really low. You read the whole thing didn’t you? Ok, don’t go down that path right now. Bad path. Very bad path! Take a break from that. Write something a little more light-hearted. Do your meditation again. But no Zizek this time. Just normal meditation without the ideology. Which I suppose would be regular Vipassana meditation, which you have already learned. But maybe don’t even do that? Don’t even observe thoughts neutrally. Don’t observe breath neutrally. Look at what “neutrality” is doing to you. It is making you awful. It is making you very negative, perhaps because your brain just has a very strong negativity bias. Try to do it with intentional positivity. Just cling to the positive thoughts. You’re not supposed to, but do it anyway. You’ve been doing it wrong the whole time anyway. Just continue doing it wrong. Deeply inhale, deeply exhale. Inhale and exhale. Inhale and exhale. Inhale and exhale. Observe the breath. Observe the thoughts. Observe the positive thoughts only. Suppress the negative thoughts. Don’t even observe the positive thoughts. Create the positive thoughts. What’s the point of neutral observation, anyway? Try just creating happiness. Forcefully create happiness. Why the fuck not? Do not forcefully create happiness. Forcefully creating happiness reinforces and perpetuates the Mandatory Positivity that is central to the functioning of Neoliberal-Capitalist ideology. Damn it, Zizek! Just do it anyway. Mandatory Positivity can potentially be used in any type of society. Just try it. Keep going. Inhale and exhale. Be happy. Happy happy happy. Positivity only. Banish the negativity. Have only positive thoughts. Is it working? Yeah, a little bit. I feel slightly better. Okay, what do I want to write about now? No idea, but I just thought of something. I am just going to look through my book of notes and pick out a random sentence or phrase, and then try to analyze it and connect it to something else. But just have fun with it, and don’t take it too seriously. Yeah, fun is what you need. This should be fun. I should be enjoying this more. Try just doing it with a sense of humor. Humor is good, even if it will probably get dark again. Okay, let’s see.. Circular Marxism. You keep mentioning Circular Marxism. You’re saying this is your overall political orientation if you average everything out, or something like that. You also said Marxist Framework Fundamentalist. That you are too comprehensively Marxist to be any one specific type of Marxist. Which is why you have trouble fitting in with Mainstream Snowflake Marxism. Apparently, your Aspie brain grasps the framework itself, is fascinated by the theoretical framework itself, but doesn’t automatically filter which ideas belong to socially acceptable social justice Marxism, and which ideas belong to socially unacceptable Marxisms. That if an idea follows the framework, it will automatically send positive signals to your brain. It is too impressionable, too indoctrinatable, by anything that sounds Marxist in any way. It wants to be be Snowflake Marxist, but doesn’t have a good enough natural ideological filter to tell the difference. Well, if this is true, it is probably why your mind keeps wandering down Incel paths. Oh crap, here we are again. Because its the Marxism that most speaks to you? But you haven’t always felt this way. Okay, remember that you just did your happiness meditation. This is supposed to be light-hearted. Laugh at yourself. You say such stupid things sometimes. At least have a sense of humor about yourself. You say things like these, make claims about how your mind works, and say them so convincingly that you believe your own bullshit. And your bullshit becomes your reality! And then your brain actually starts working that way, just because you said it did! And then you say something contradictory- that your brain actually works in this different way, and then it starts working like that. Or you think it does, anyway. This is probably what creating characters, or creating paradigms, actually is. Or is it? Or did you just make this up just now? Are you lying right now? Who knows? You are probably just digging yourself deeper and deeper down a rabbit hole. But who cares? Rabbit holes are fun! They are a lot funner than reality, whatever that means. Yeah, there is no one “reality.” There is socially constructed reality, the State’s reality. I think the only reason to accept this “reality” as fact is to make functioning easier. Accept certain things as “fact” only in the moments that you need them. They are not actual facts, but accepting them as such provides a shortcut to easier functioning. This is the only way that hegemonic facts are important. But you can also create counter-hegemonic facts. Accept these things as facts in the moments you need these. And this is why code-switching is important. It is not actually Sociopathy. It can potentially lead one down a sociopathic path, but can also be used for much good. Everybody code-switches! Most people, anyway. Why would you be so hard on yourself for it? You’re not even good at it! In fact, you have a terrible record of existing in the wrong code for the wrong situation. You can never fit in anywhere, because you are always in the wrong persona at the wrong time. Or maybe you do this intentionally? Are you that much of a contrarian? Or is this a good quality? You like bringing greater balance to whatever group you are in. You recognize that whatever group you are in is inside ideology, and feel the need to liberate them. Careful, you are getting narcissistic again. Ah crap, my writing hasn’t really changed at all, even with the light-heartedness. I’ve circled back to exactly where I was. Oh, who cares? I feel slightly better about it. That’s all that’s important. But yeah, Circular Marxism. Most of your personas do seem to be Marxist in one way or another. But they divide the lines between Oppressor and Oppressed, movements from Above and movements from Below, in various different ways. They don’t always follow Hegemonic Marxism, although they usually do. Hegemonic Marxism sounds like an oxymoron, because Marxism, by definition, should probably always be counter-hegemonic. And I would say that it is mostly is, although it is possible for it to create a hegemony of its own. And this counter-hegemony can potentially oppress entirely different groups of people. You know what? Just call Circular Marxist a character. See what he has to say. It is possible that he might, in fact, be the real background character behind all the others. Or possibly, the sum of all the other characters. Or the average of all the other characters. Okay, breathe. Inhale and exhale. Inhale and exhale. Observe he personas. Or integrate the personas. Or observe Circular Marxist only. Or forcefully get into him. Or something. This is getting too confusing. Just write. The ideal society is one where all Marxisms are created equal. Whatever type of injustice, whatever specific form of oppression you, as an individual, or as a group, or even the whole of humanity, are suffering from, there is a Marxism for you. There might not be an existing Marxism for you, but you can create a Marxism for you. May all Marxisms unite, and form a unified, Uber-Marxism. A Circular Marxism. May all Marxisms flow around and around in circles, fighting against each other, but also complementing each other. Allying with each other. Which largely is what Hegemonic Snowflake Marxism strives to do. But it is not complete enough. It is almost complete. It sees itself as complete It sees itself as intersectional. And it mostly is. But it falls victim to its own ideology. What a stupid fucking sentence. Whether intentionally or unintentionally, it creates a monopoly of Marxisms. It dictates to you which Marxisms are acceptable and which are unacceptable. Which is why my Aspie brain has trouble accepting it. I could never be a Pure Snowflake Marxist, because I am too much of a Circular Marxist. My brain takes the Marxist framework too literally, too fundamentally, too obsessively, and applies it to absolutely everything! I am too much of a Marxist Framework Fundamentalist to be a Conventional Marxist. But no, Snowflake Marxisms are the most important Marxisms. Otherwise there wouldn’t be such a great need for them. They wouldn’t exist in such great numbers. They are the most important ones. Feminism. Anti-Racism. LGBTQ Rights. Anti-Imperialism. Disability Rights. Neurodiversity. Yeah, all of those. Those are all good things. I support all of these things. Well, if I am trying to stand up for my own rights, then I had better. That’s what intersectionality is. That’s what solidarity is. I should support all of these Cultural Marxisms. As well as good old traditional Class-Struggle Marxism. But these Marxisms sometimes create different pyramids and leave different people marginalized. And this is why Alt-Marxisms get created. That is why we have Meninism. And Incel. And White Nationalism. And all the others. Yes, if you really look at it, all of these groups technically follow the Marxist framework of thinking, even though most wouldn’t admit it. They all put themselves in the Oppressed category. Which I suppose they are in a way, through the lens of their own ideologies. According to my Aspie brain, in its current form, anyway. Fuck it, let’s go back to Incel again. Just because it seems to be the main one indoctrinating me right now. Incel Marxism is legitimate Marxism. Breathe. Remember that you are inside ideology. Remember that you are Circular Marxist right now. It is Sexually Socialist and Romantically Socialist. All things that the world needs. Yes, it is misogynistic in its current form, but if I absolutely have to be any type of misogynist, I would be an Incel Misogynist. If misogynists were the only people who accepted me, I would be this type of misogynist. Just because it is the only Marxist form of misogyny. Pick Up Artist ideology is pure Capitalist propaganda. Well, even though I am probably still indoctrinated by it somewhat. It teaches you how to climb the pyramids. It teaches you how to imitate the mannerisms of the Sexual Upper Class. It reinforces the class structures. It reinforces the culture of competition and the Equal Opportunity narrative. It teaches Game, as if capitalism isn’t game-like enough already. PUA is pure Capitalistic Misogynistic propaganda. If you have to follow misogynistic propaganda, at least follow Socialistic Misogynistic propaganda. Incel propaganda is better. At least it is honest about its intentions. At least it wants to redistribute, rather than teach people how to fake their way to the top. Dismantle the pyramids, rather than climb the pyramids. It aims to create a Sexually Socialist Utopia, rather than exaggerate the level of Sexually Capitalist Dystopia we already live under. Well rather, in its current form, it seeks to create Patriarchal Sexually Socialist Utopia. It still wants men to rule. But why does it have to be that way? Why can’t there be Gender-Neutral Sexually Socialist Utopia? Why does Incel have to see Feminism as the enemy? And vice-versa? Why can’t the Marxisms join sides? Plenty of women are romantically and sexually deprived. Plenty of non-binary folk are as well. Why can’t the Marxisms unite? Why can’t they integrate? We need more unity of counter-cultures. There could be a Feminism-compatible Incel movement if we all really stretch our minds. Or look at it the other way round, and Incel could be incorporated into feminism. It could actually resemble the Free Love Feminism of the 60s and 70s, if you really think about it. Well, 90% of currently existing Incel propaganda would probably have to be trashed, but the remaining 10% is fine as far as I’m concerned and could be incorporated. The premise is fine anyway. A lot of feminists even believe in the same things. There is more overlap than most people think, or would care to admit. Nobody should be deprived of love. Hmm, I am actually crying right now. Legitimately. Maybe this is genuine. Maybe this is what I actually believe. Is what I believe terrible? Am I even understanding what I am saying properly? Am I understanding the issues properly? Am I using words properly? Is there a “properly?” And… The moment is lost. Okay, on to something else. Circular Marxist sounds like he has more to say. Close your eyes. Inhale and exhale. Observe the Marxisms. You are inside all the Marxisms right now. Hmm… Circular Marxist came up with a whole bunch of more jargony terms… Reverse-Marxism. Spiritual Marxism. Intellectual Marxism. Vibe Marxism. They are all probably saying the same things. That those who are traditionally put into Oppressor categories by Mainstream Marxism can also use Counter-Marxisms to demonstrate how it is not quite complete. How it creates new oppressions, different types of oppressions for different groups. Yup, Circular Marxist appears to be drifting to the Right again. Wait no, Circular Marxist doesn’t drift. He circles. He will eventually find himself back at the Left. No, there aren’t even Left and Right for him. Only circles. He circles and circles around the various Marxisms until he finds equilibrium. Enlightenment for him is reaching Perfect Marxist Equilibrium. He circles and circles until he reaches the center. The center is the average of all Marxisms. Probably similar to how Zizekian Aspie considers enlightenment to be Liberation from Ideology. Or perhaps, enlightenment is the average of all ideology. Truth is the average of all ideology. Truth is the average of all propaganda. Those were phrases I found in my notes too. Yay, I finally tied some things together! Well, Zizekian Aspie, I suppose circles and circles as well, until he reaches Perfect Ideological Equilibrium. Circular Marxist, I suppose is just more specific. He is a sub-character of Zizekian Aspie, I suppose. But why call him Aspie at all? Maybe just call him Circular Zizekian, if they are that similar. Holy crap, did you just reach Zizekian Enlightenment? Or Marxist Enlightenment? Or both? Well, you’re not high, so probably not. But was this the purpose of your meditation all along? Well, according to your “autism is absence of ideology” theory, this is your natural state. Maybe enlightenment is your natural state, but you create the circles, create the ideologies because you are bored, and just want to have fun in the circles like everyone else. But then you get bored of the circles, or the circles get out of control, and you want to find your way back to the center again, back to enlightenment. But you often get lost in the circles. Okay, be careful now. This is getting narcissistic again. The Messiah Complex is coming back. This is dangerous. Stop doing this. Stop talking like this. Backtrack a little. Where were you? Okay, Vibe Marxism. What is that? You feel like there is a Vibe Upper Class and a Vibe Lower Class. Those with good vibes and those with bad vibes. But the Snowflake Marxists currently have a monopoly on the Good Vibes. Those who follow the ideology have the privilege of receiving the good vibes. And goddamn, they can be vibe-hoarders. They don’t share the vibes! They are Vibe Elitists! Well, the Vibe Marxists aren’t having any more of it. They want a redistribution of vibes! We want a redistribution of vibes! Oh crap, I just said “we.” Calm down. Observe the vibes. I haven’t always felt like this. I sometimes have felt like I belong to the Vibe Upper Class. And when I do, I too feel like hoarding the vibes. But right now, I feel like I belong to the lower class, so I want a redistribution of vibes. Crap, this means I am secretly a Capitalist doesn’t it? Inhale and exhale. Observe the… The Vibe Upper Class is also Intellectually Elitist. It takes intellectual superiority to belong to the Vibe Upper Class. We need Intellectual Marxism too! No, “superiority” is a harsh word. Or maybe “intellectual” is the harsh word. Maybe what I meant is empathetic superiority? Or spiritual superiority? The empaths hoard all the vibes? The more spiritually connected hoard the vibes? But this in itself is ableist isn’t it? Discriminating against those with lack of empathy. Not sharing the vibes with them/us. I don’t know if I want to say “us.” I don’t know what I am. Well, Aspie Revolutionary would say that Aspies might lack the empathy, or at least the nuance, to be able to speak in such a way that they don’t offend anyone, which leaves them rejected by the Vibe Upper Class. So we need a Vibe Marxism, a Reverse-Marxism, a Spiritual Marxism, to reclaim those good feelings that we deserve too! Or something silly like that. Wait, you are still being silly. Remember to laugh at yourself. This is very important. It might not be silly or funny to these elitist empaths, but it is funny to you. Anything is funny to you. What the hell is wrong with you? Really, what the hell is wrong with you? You haven’t changed at all. You are not evolving at all. In fact, you are going backwards. You are regressing back to that previous manifestation of Aspie Revolutionary, aren’t you? The ultra-offensive one. He’s terrible. He’s terrible. So fucking terrible. The Politically Incorrect one. The one who says Political Correctness is oppressive to Aspies, and then goes on to say awful things. He sees Sheldon Cooper as his role-model. Wait, you still are him, aren’t you? Or whatever you are now still follows the same ideology of offensiveness, but is just a bit more politically correct. Slightly more conforming to the values of the Snowflake Left. Maybe stop using the word Snowflake? Because it shows you currently view it negatively? Or are you re-purposing it? Are you reclaiming it? I think so. Well, I am using it the same way I am using all of my terms, I suppose. Making fun of them, but also realizing they are a part of me. But Snowflake is one I want to reclaim in a positive way, because I feel it is most naturally me, or at least my ideal self. Or at least what I would be if I didn’t spend so much time creating all these asshole characters. Right now, I feel like I am not good enough to be one. But try to be one. Try to be more of a Snowflake Aspie. The Sheldon Extremist character is getting old. You are 33 years old now. Try to grow out of that. Sheldon Extremist was a reaction to your diagnosis at a late age, among other traumatic events that happened in your life. Do you want to talk about those? Yes, probably eventually but not right now. Do talk about them at some point. And the ironic thing was that he was pretty much as Textbook Aspie as you can get. He was an exaggerated version of the DSM’s definitions. You want to liberate yourself from the DSM? Liberate yourself from this character. Well, full liberation is probably impossible. It is impossible to change the past. But you can do the best you can. Which you probably won’t. But small steps. Try to stay positive. I am feeling more positive right now. What do I have to say now? No, Incel ideology doesn’t dismantle pyramids. It reinforces pyramids. It puts pyramids in people’s heads. It is Feminism that dismantles pyramids. Or at least tries to. This is contradictory to what you said earlier. Are you just trying to please people or what? Oh well, just keep going. Feminism puts a hell of a lot of effort into changing what it means to be attractive, in physical, personality and all senses of the word. For women, men and everyone in between. It is actually very beneficial for Aspie males. It teaches us that it is okay to be shy, or awkward, or not terribly masculine, as long as we are decent human beings. And you still have that decency in you. You do. You are just pretending not to for some reason. Or you are stuck in the characters that don’t have it. Or that might just be an excuse. Incel would say that Feminism is bad for Aspie men, because it further marginalizes us. It puts us in the Creeper Class. Or maybe Creeper is a character too. No! Don’t even go down that path. I’ve had enough of this. These are just delusions. Feelings of creepiness, for anyone, are just delusions. Yes it is true that feminism can unintentionally give certain men feelings of creepiness. But it also seeks to liberate men, and well everyone, from feelings of creepiness. From feelings of unworthiness. I do understand this theoretically, although I have trouble accepting it and applying it in real life. I think this might be the problem with my particular manifestation of autism at this present moment. It is a disconnect between the abstract and the concrete. It is not so much that I am abstractionally challenged, but abstract-to-concrete translationally challenged. Or maybe just right now. There have been times where I have felt better integrated. Yeah, try to integrate yourself more. Try to be more whole. Inhale and exhale. Observe the abstract. Observe the concrete. Observe both. Try to integrate them. Is it working? Not sure. Well, keep writing anyway. It is actually the Patriarchy that gives Aspie men feelings of creepiness, of unworthiness, of inferiority, or not being “man” enough. Incel just reinforces it, because it itself is stuck inside the patriarchal paradigm. It accepts these patriarchal labels, these stereotypes, as fact, as unchangeable reality. It is very defeatist. It is submissive to oppressive systems. Feminism tells us that we are all worthy, we are intrinsically worthy, regardless of how we are… Nope. I can’t do it. I can’t Feminist right now. I can’t Snowflake right now. I can’t even. What a ridiculous expression. What is wrong with the modern world? I am Creeper. I can’t get out of it. How did I get here? I used to be happy. No, don’t say “I am.” Say “I feel like.” Nothing is permanent. You are just pretending to be deep and thoughtful to make everyone fall in love with you. PUA is still there. He is still behind all the other characters. You Douchebag. This is not permanent either. This feeling is impermanent too. This repetitiveness is impermanent too. But I suppose Autistic Philosophy should be repetitive by definition, otherwise it wouldn’t be autistic. No! Don’t put yourself in a box like that. Don’t put your people in a box like that either. Don’t let these stereotypes get in your head. A lot of what you say or write might sound quite ableist or hateful to listeners or readers. Only you are in your own head. Only you know what you really mean to say. You probably have a horribly wrong choice of words. Or better ones exist in the subconscious, but only the terrible ones are at the surface. Only the terrible thoughts are at the surface. And they repeat themselves, over and over. Yes, this is probably a legitimate OCD-type problem. Or are my words really that terrible? Well, they certainly hurt me. Except for when they possess me. But when they don’t possess me, when I detach myself from them, they hurt me. I am a very sensitive soul somewhere in there. I really offend myself. Yup, still trying to make people fall in love with you. Hopefully impermanent Asshole. Hopefully impermanent Creeper. Why am I still like this? Why are the pyramids still in my head? I had liberated myself from the pyramids. But every time I liberate myself from the pyramids, they keep coming back to haunt me. Why do they keep coming back? I want them out of my head. I’ve had it with these motherfucking pyramids in my motherfucking head! I’ve had it with these motherfucking pyramids in my fatherfucking head! More personfucking gender-neutral. Well, how about being more personfucking gender-neutral yourself? This isn’t you. All this offensiveness and toxic masculinity isn’t you. It’s very forced. Well, it was at one point. By now it might be natural. Are you even male? Maybe start calling yourself “they.” Yeah, why not? Try it. Be more personloving gender-neutral.

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