Aspies and autistics, as I mentioned in the previous post about neurotypical courtship habits, often fail in the dating world because a mastery of neurotypical social convention is what is necessary to succeed in such an arena. Therefore, I propose an alternate Aspie social convention, one which autistics can use to communicate with each other and to court each other. And it can be a social convention that neurotypicals can choose to learn as well- a language similar to sign language. What would such a courtship convention look like? Once again, I must reference The Big Bang Theory: (please disregard the [Turkish?] subtitles)
It may seem strange that it is Leonard in this scene and not Sheldon, but this is a scene from an earlier season when Leonard was a bit more “Aspie” than he is now… I’m guessing that the writers felt they had to tone down these qualities of his so as to contrast him with Sheldon more in later seasons. What I noticed about this interaction between Leonard and Leslie is the method of courtship is not seduction as much as it is convincing through logical reasoning. I think this is key to establishing an Aspie courtship convention. Aspies are not as competent using game or charm, but could potentially give a decent “seduction of the mind,” if that was an accepted form of courtship. Under Aspie social convention, it matters less if you are physically seduced than if you are logically convinced. In fact, the words “seduced” and “convinced” would often be used as synonyms.
As a matter of fact, there is a word in the Nepali language, fakaaunu, which essentially translates to a combination of “seduce” and “convince.” There is a common Nepali joke:
Ma keti fakaaera fak garchhu.
…Which translates to:
I’ll fakaaunu the girl, and then fak her.
Fakaaunu is more the objective of Aspie courtship convention. (the usage in the former half of the sentence, that is) In a way, it is more honest, because logic is more honest than game, which often relies on psychological manipulation.
In my next post on this theme, I will expand from the topic of courtship convention to the broader topic of social convention as a whole- what the ideal Aspie social convention would look like. I will probably use clips from the movie The Invention of Lying to use as examples. Why? Well, it’s a surprise!